Monday, 16 July 2012

Hollywood is Dead.

For the sake of argument lets say this blogpost was written under a persona of mine. And perhaps a bottle of wine.
Long ago the wonderful and undeservedly forgotten cartoon series 'The Critic' put forward a simple solution to solving Hollywood's dearth of good quality films- 'If you stop going to bad movies, they'll stop making bad movies.' Sadly almost twenty years not enough people have heeded this timely advice. Hollywood is no longer the place to find good quality movies. The reason why this is is that the studios are giving us what we want. A film is successful at the box office, maybe critically well received as well. The studio bosses see dollar signs and as much gold and rare jewels as they can eat, and stick to the time honored formula, which is daubed on the walls of all major Hollywood studios boardrooms, most probably in the blood of a recently slaughtered virgin- 'If they like it, give them fifty of the same.' MORE SEQUELS! MORE ADAPTIONS OF TV SHOWS! CARTOONS! BOARD GAMES! (why does anyone even attempt to try and take 'Battleship' seriously? It's such a ridiculous premise and such an awful film it seems as if it's a bad parody of a  blockbuster done by Saturday Night Live or something) MORE ADAPTIONS OF COMIC BOOKS OR SUPERHERO FILMS! I'm sorry, I'm especially biased against superhero or comic films, mainly because the source material bores me to tears in the first place but also because they take themselves far too seriously for their own good. Batman may enthrall millions, but to me a vigilante billionaire going about in what is effectively custom-made bondage gear does not deserve my suspension of disbelief. No real attention is granted to the script or characterizations, the money is sunk almost immediately into the bottomless well of cash reserved for special effects, explosions, CGI and making it look pretty for idiots. That and these films almost always demand a sequel, or perhaps even a trilogy, no matter how badly the film performed critically. Michael Bay continues to create films, (in much the same way a four year child finger-painting would create a Mona Lisa) because he knows the public will watch it. If he threw in some explosions and some shots of some easily exploitable female actress he could do a third installment in the Human Centipede series and it still would be a smash hit. Everyone still doesn't get it. Don't humour lazy directors and lazy film companies by going to see these movies, and maybe they'll take the hint and make something different. Maybe not something worth watching, but that's what happens when people take a risk and are willing to experiment with the means of narrative, character and style, not just sticking to the bland, but tried and tested formula.
Now I am aware I am sounding like the biggest prig imaginable, dictating my middle-class bourgeois pretenses onto everyone like the massive snob that I deny I am, but I am right so screw you all.


  1. "But I am right so screw you all" is my motto forever.

  2. well I am right and I will crush those who disagree with me. Either that or I'll start crying and roll into a foetal position.